Zach Harris and Angie Vanlandingham were married in Florida on August 7, 2005. If you are interested to hear some of the interesting and miraculous details of how we came together, you can read both stories below.
HERE IS ZACH'S SIDE OF HOW HE CAME TO MARRY ANGIE:
I struggled a lot over the years as regards to whether it was a good
idea for me to marry at all. I certainly knew I would like to, but I
wavered back and forth as to whether it was a good idea. The problem
was related to the open ministry of proclaiming the gospel in Muslim
countries that I have been moving towards.
In the last year, several factors confirmed to me that marriage would
be an appropriate choice in my situation; possibly the most helpful
factor being 1 Corinthians 9:5. Paul mentions the fact that Peter, and
the brothers of Christ, and aparently all the other apostles (apart
from him and Barnabas) had wives who they took along on their apostolic
journeys. Paul says that, like them, he has every right to take along a
believing wife as well, although in his case he doesn't make use of
that right. At the point in history in which Paul is writing this
letter to the Corinthians, he has already been stoned and left for
dead, driven out of many cities, etc., and the other apostles he refers
to have already been jailed, threatened, etc. So I realized that the
direction I am headed for ministry is no more "extreme" than the
apostles whom Paul says certainly have the right to marry, and most of
whom made use of that right.
As I've considered marriage issues over the past couple years, I have
also come to see more clearly why neither the modern Western dating
model nor the more conservative "courting" model are the only, or even
the best, paths for leading up to marriage. The Bible has a lot to say
about issues of godly character that make for a good spouse, and
nothing about "compatibility" testing, or subjective notions of who
might be a "good match" for you. In other words, the qualities that
would make for a good spouse FOR ME are just as easily, indeed more
easily, discerned by my brothers and sisters who follow the same Lord
Jesus. A woman bearing the fruit of the Spirit and ready to be a godly
wife will be known as such by the men and women of God around her.
Thus, if I wholeheartedly rely on what the BIBLE says about what makes
for a good marriage, I am led to believe that a God-fearing community
of friends can do a better job of finding a spouse for me than I could
myself. For more on these topics, see my essays:
The Marriage Incompatibility Fallacy, and
Why the Arranged Marriage System is Better.
This said, sometime in early 2005 I sent out an email to several
friends and family members who know me well. The subject line of the
email was "Looking for Wife". I said that in particular I was looking
for a wife who: 1) Embraced everything the Bible has to say about men
and women's complementary roles in marriage (e.g. Ephesians 5:22-33, 1
Cor 11:7-9), and 2) Embraced everything the Bible has to say about the
cost of discipleship; the sufferings that we are prepared to endure
during our temporary sojourn here on earth as we await an eternal glory
that far outweighs them all. As I kept praying for a good wife, I was
also reminded of Jesus' promise, "Which one of you, if his son asks him
for bread, will give him a stone? Or for a fish, will give him a
serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your
children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good
things to those who ask Him." (Matthew 7:9-11) So I knew that if God
answered my prayer and granted me a wife, it would be a good thing.
I got only three responses to that email, these being from three
friends in Boulder. All three responses suggested that I consider Angie
Vanlandingham. After a few discussions with Sarah (a close mutual
friend of Angie's and mine) I sent Angie an email saying, "I'm writing
you because I'm looking for a wife, and my friends said I should
consider you." I also asked about the men in her life who were "looking
out for her", and if any of them would want to talk to me about this.
At that point, I already trusted enough in the testimony which I had
already received about Angie to know I'd like to marry her. But I also
knew that the process of getting to know each other before marriage is
the only model that Americans know, and I was concerned about "freaking
out" her or her family by jumping past that step.
So, for the next few weeks I exchanged emails with Angie, and some
with her elder brother as well. I was planning to visit my dad in
Florida, and as it turned out Angie was living in Florida. Based on my
conversations with her, it seemed that she was ready for marriage as
well. I thought it was likely that we could get engaged while I was in
Florida, but I was quite unsure as to when we might be able to marry.
It seemed most reasonable (according to our cultural context) that if
we got engaged in July to possibly get married in December (during my
next break from school). The idea of waiting for a December wedding was
quite stressful for me, but I didn't know if any other options were
realistic. I don't know what will happen in the next few months. What
if I was imprisoned and the wedding couldn't proceed because the groom
wasn't there?
After arriving in Florida and seeing my dad, I went up to Tallahassee
and spent a few days to meet Angie's parents, her brother and his
family, some of her friends, and indeed, Angie herself. After that we
headed down to south Florida to stay with my dad a few days.
About the time we left Tallahassee I was blessed to get approval to
get engaged to Angie from her parents and one of her pastors. So I
brought her out to the beach one night and told her that I was going to
take her as my wife. We had had enough discussion about how God
invented human marriage to reflect His relationship to His people that
she knew I wouldn't merely "ask her" to marry me. Then I called her to
respond, by telling her, "Come, follow me." [This is the funny part ---
] The way I remember hearing her response, though she doesn't remember
it this way, was that she said, "Zach, I don't know ..., ...,
(pause)... (pause)... I don't know anyone else that I would want to
follow through this life other than you!"
After our engagement, she told me her side of the story of how God
had led her up to that point. I had previously been aware of almost
none of what she said, and I praised God for how He had brought us
together through such different means. She also told me that she had
been praying for an August wedding and had told many of her friends and
family that the engagement and marriage would likely be quick, that we
would likely marry in August. I had never expected that, but was quite
relieved by it. So we started praying for an August 7th wedding (this
was about July 13th), and although there were several barriers, God
faithfully answered our prayers and we were able to marry on August
7th. Angela is a wonderful wife. Praise God.
HERE IS ANGIE'S STORY OF HOW SHE CAME TO MARRY ZACH:
In 2002 I was introduced to Zach in Colorado by a mutual friend. I
learned that he had gotten his degree in mathematics, and that he had
just reterned to the US from mission work in the Middle East. I only
remember a brief introduction, and no exchange of words, but I did take
notice of his handsome scraggly beard he had grown while overseas. For
the next three years, I heard a lot about him through our mutual friend
Sarah, who would frequently passed on their intriguing and provocative
discussions of Bible and culture, and I desired more of this type of
sharpening fellowship in my own life. My respect for Zach grew over
these three years. Eventually, sometime early in 2005, I asked Sarah
not to speak to me anymore about Zach, because everytime she spoke of
him I felt a Zach-shaped void in my heart.
In the meantime, I was preparing to go to Tibet, and God willing to
spend my life sharing Christ among those who have never heard of him.
In December 2004 I visited China in order to meet all the missionaries
I could find who were working among Tibetans. One difficulty of me
finding an appropriate team to join was the issue of my view about
being open about the reason for which I wanted to live among Tibetans.
I did not want to hide from people the fact that I was going there
expressly for the purpose to teach the salvation God has offered
through Christ alone. Most missionaries today working in "closed"
countries are very secretive about the reasons they are there. For me
to find a team which would accept my view on this issue was not a small
issue. In December, while I was in China, I found ONLY ONE team which
was even willing to accept someone with my viewpoint to work among
them, so I applied with PIONEERS Missionary Organization. In
preparation for PIONEERS candidate orientation, I asked Sarah for any
articles she knew of concerning bringing the gospel openly to people in
closed countries. She hesitated, then told me that the best articles
she knew on the topic were written by Zach. I told her to send me the
articles anyway, as I wanted to get my thoughts together on the
subject. When I read the article, I fell in love with the man who
wrote those wonderful words about giving glory to God among unreached
people, even under circumstances which would mean persecution for the
messenger. At that moment I asked God to allow me to marry the man who
wrote that article, and I asked many of my friends to pray for me as
well. But I didn't think Zach even knew I existed.
Several friends encouraged me to contact Zach and tell him my
thoughts on his article. But I refused to initiate any contact because
I felt it would not be in line with the Biblical model of the man's
initiation and headship in marriage. I really had no glimmer of hope
that God would answer my prayers concerning Zach. I continued on with
my seminary studies, was appointed in April with PIONEERS mission
organization, and with my church set a target departure date of January
2006.
In mid-May 2006 I received an email from none other than that man I had
prayed to marry, the man I had heard so much about, the man I had NOT
contacted, the man I thought didn't know anything of me....and from the
first email it was clear to me that I would be marrying him sometime
soon. But I asked God what I should do concerning my plans to go to
Tibet. These plans were culminating after at least 3 years of
preparation and dreaming, with the support of my friends and church.
How could I suddenly change my direction and join Zach (who I knew
wanted to go to the Middle East) without some clear direction from God?
I was unsettled about that. Then three days after the first email
from Zach, I received an email from the team which I had intended to
join with PIONEERS. The leader said to me that if I insisted on making
myself known as a missionary, then they did not welcome me on their
team, and no one working among the Tibetans would appreciate my
presence in the region. He said he tried to send the email to me
earlier, but apparently I hadn't received it. I praised God for this
clear direction, and I praised him for his tender ways of leading me.
If I had received that email any earlier, I would have been quite upset
that my plans of three years were crumbling, but at the moment I
received it I knew that God was directing me to marry Zach and become
his helper in his ministry.
After a couple weeks of emails, I asked God to bring Zach from
Singapore to Florida to meet me. I prayed that he would come on July
5. I did not know of any of Zach's plans to visit the US this summer.
But then he wrote me and said he was planning to visit his Dad in
Florida, and he would be coming on July 5. I knew God was answering my
prayers...or maybe God was directing my prayers all along...or more
likely both. I began to pray that we could get married in August, as I
knew that Zach would need to be in Singapore for his PhD studies, and
long distance engagement didn't seem profitable. Then I heard that my
church pastors folllowed a general principle, and perhaps even had a
"contract" that they didn't marry couples who hadn't known each other
at least one year. My faith quivered over this, but I kept praying for
an August wedding, knowing that God could do whatever he pleased.
When Zach arrived he sought the blessing for marriage from my pastor
and my father, both who gave their approval. We were engaged within 5
days of his arrival, and ONLY THEN did I tell
Zach any of the above story. Then we began to pray together for an
August 7 wedding. Many obstacles arose which made me think that it
wouldn't be possible, but we continued to pray. We saw God's sovereign
working in removing each and every obstacle to our quick wedding, and
we were able to marry on August 7 (with a lot of help from my parents
in organizaing everything). Praise God who gives us the desires of our
hearts when we delight ourselves in him! I am pleased to be Zach's
help-mate in giving glory to God for the rest of our lives. God has
given me a man after His own heart!