Receive the Blessing!
Ephesians 6:2:
“Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.”
Deuteronomy 5:16:
Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God commanded you, that your days may be long, and that it may go well with you in the land that the LORD your God is giving you.
Deuteronomy 27:16:
‘Cursed be anyone who dishonors his father or his mother.’ And all the people shall say, ‘Amen.’
Note, in particular, that these promises and threats are issued within the context of the covenant community of God’s people. I find strikingly recurrent “quality of life” patterns in two distinct classes of Christians whom I know well enough to discern such things in.
Camp A are those who speak with a certain bitterness, resentment, and/or ingratitude towards their parents—that is, if they speak of them at all; you can be friends with someone in this camp for several years and never hear them mention their parents because they prefer not to talk (or think) about them. People I know in “Camp A” generally have most or all of the following traits in their life:
- Recurring attempts or thoughts of suicide, or at least a general “wish I was dead” mental/emotional state. Ongoing (not just temporary) depression.
- Often there are “replacement parental figures” who take the place in the person’s affections that rightfully belongs to the parents who bore and raised them. (Yes, issues of adoption and such may complicate things here. But probably the best response, in the spirit of God’s command, is simply that a special, irreplaceable place of honor should be given in your heart to EACH of the people who played a parental role in your life: biological parents, adoptive parents, foster parents, AND spiritual parents, not just one or the other.)
- Continual, seemingly unresolvable conflict and strife in certain (generally family) relationships. This is significantly more intense than the occasional, resolvable conflicts that those in “Camp B” face.
- Continual, seemingly unconquerable sin, temptation, and suffering issues. Again, while those in “Camp B” obviously also face sin, temptation, and suffering, there is a marked distinction in the way that these issues seem to dominate the lives of people in “Camp A”.
Camp B are those from whom you hear a generous, honoring attitude towards parents. Their parents certainly weren’t perfect; people I know in this camp include children from divorced and unbelieving households. Nevertheless, those in “Camp B” long for any faults and sins their parents might have to be made whole in Christ more than they long for “justice” to be served. They don’t make much of any wrongs they may have suffered from their parents, but rather embrace their parents with the unrelenting love and forgiveness that they themselves have received in Christ. As mentioned above, while those in “Camp B” certainly have bouts of depression, conflict and strife, and while they certainly face even prolonged temptation and suffering issues, these things do not dominate their spiritual joy and quality of life in Christ in the way that those in “Camp A” are dominated.
In summary, the clearest distinction I can make is that the lives of those in “Camp B” exude a certain powerful shalom (peace) that is absent from “Camp A”.
These distinctions can also be made within different periods of the life of a single individual. I can personally testify to periods of parental-dishonor in my heart during which I suffered the devoid-of-peace curses described above even when times were “good”, and periods of parental-honor in my heart during which I experienced persevering shalom even when times were “bad”.
Yes, of course I know what pagan pop-psychology would say: “These `Camp A’ people were abused and neglected by their parents, so it is no wonder if they are screwed up and bitter about it.” But far more than even any experiential evidence I could offer, I would remind brothers and sisters in Christ to accept the diagnosis direct from God’s word: You may have suffered the most horrifically unspeakable things at the hands of, or under the closed eyes of, your parents, but the spiritual havoc you wreak in your own life, closing doors to blessing and opening doors to cursedness, by failing to honor your parents from the heart as God wants you to, is worse that what anyone else did do, or could do, to you!
Thus this post is not merely meant as a descriptive analysis, but rather a plea: Receive the blessing that God has promised! There is a level of peace and joy in life available far beyond what you have experienced even as a professing Christian. I am not saying that there is a state of having something “more than Christ” in the Christian life. Rather, I am saying that “Camp B” is part and parcel of the normal Christian life, but that by choosing to live in violation of God’s command (Camp A) you have blocked yourself from fully experiencing the true blessed life in Christ. Repent! And receive the blessing! From someone who has spent time in both camps, I say PLEASE put away ALL bitterness and seek a heart of genuine honor toward your parents, and see if God isn’t faithful to His promise!!!!
For more on this, see the very first entry posted to this blog: Honor Your Parents.